About the owner:

• b. 1982
• As a young child, reversed my mother’s initial desire to have another baby after me
• Hung like an infant. A black infant
• Loves long walks on the beach, as long as they’re followed immediately by brief sex on the beach
• There’s no over/under, I’m simply an achiever
• Has unnaturally small ears, which allows for a valid excuse to ignore you
• Has never been wrong (I thought I was wrong once, but I was mistaken)
• Hates obese people
• Hates stupid people
• Hates stupid obese people

What others are saying:

• “I NEVER got off.” - an ex-girlfriend
• “Dude, don’t be a dick.” - Various
• “Hopefully he’ll realize he’s an alcoholic.” - former roommate
• “Schwing!” - Garth Algar
• “You’re a fucking idiot. You deserve to ride a bicycle everywhere you go.” - anonymous