Well, kids, I turned 25 on Sunday. I’m sure your card got lost in the mail. This quarter century mark is a moment for reflection, introspection, and of course, heavy drinking. Heady times, friends. I feel I’m getting closer and closer to the time when I won’t pass a college student (even a grad student) and I’d being lying if I said that didn’t piss me off. Billy Madison said it best while he shook that fat kid’s face in Ms. Vaughn’s classroom. “Don’t leave. Don’t you ever leave. Cherish it.”

My senior year of college found me ready to graduate, get a job, and generally be a productive member of society. What a fucking ripoff. Shaun graduated a year before me and I asked him soon after he got a job and I was still in school what the real world was like. His response? “It’s 8 o’clock classes for the rest of your life.” Bleak, but pretty spot on. When choosing my major, I remember thinking, “Whatever I do, I don’t want to sit in front of a computer all day.” That was the main reason I decided not to major in Computer Science. That and all the goddamn calculus. Anyway, sitting in front of a computer all day is precisely what I do. This monotony is broken up by trips to the bathroom and people trying to involve me in stories about their children/landscaping plans/mortgage rate or some other bullshit that I can’t relate to. For now, I’m still one of the young guys in the office and on my particular team, but how long will that last? That’s my gimmick, man. Most other people have kids or are at least married. That ‘married at 24′ tangent is another issue to tackle; maybe it’s a Midwestern thing, I don’t know, but it is far too prevalent. Anyway, the thought of spending the rest of my working life sitting in a cube or traveling to go sit in a cube in another state makes me want to drink bleach, so I suppose the burden is on me to rise above and earn a living on my own terms, which is fair.

I’ll stop waxing philosophical and get to the meat of this post. Shaun and I have done our fair share of list bashing in recent posts. It’s like shooting fish in a barrel. Some dipshit posts 14 Ways to… and we pick it apart. It ain’t rocket science. Now, I’ll step up to the plate and offer my

Ways to Tell You’re An Adult

You know the dates of the end of the quarter

While at work, you have a phone conversation with your significant other about what you’re having for dinner and it turns into an argument

99% of your socks are black

You stop drinking during the week

You watch the Weather Channel even when you have no plans and require no knowledge of upcoming weather

Your knees hurt after attending a concert

You cannot make future plans without first consulting Outlook

You refuse a pickup basketball game because you aren’t wearing the right shoes

You submit a weekly time sheet online

You know which airlines fly into which cities and correct people when they make erroneous claims regarding this

You have earned free hotel stays/rental cars/flights without paying for any of your own

You have a Diner’s Club card

You pay professionals to help you move

You buy carpet/cabinets/fencing/an in-ground sprinkler system

Your birthday/4th of July/New Year’s/Halloween plans involve “Laying low” or “Taking it easy”

You watch Mad Money

You refuse a beer because of the brand

You know what LiveMeeting is

You own a backpack with wheels

You host dinner parties. -jdurley

Feel free to submit others to this list. I’ll post the ones I like and give you credit.